he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
