I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
