Where is the hickey?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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