I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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