i don't plan on having that self control this summer
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
