I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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