He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
