I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
