based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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