It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
