Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
