Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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