im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Too much gin, very little bucket
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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