Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
