So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
