I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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