Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
