Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.