If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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