those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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