I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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