If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
