i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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