I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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