you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
