what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
