My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
