She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
