Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
