I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
