i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
