I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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