There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
