Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ttyl tear gas
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
