how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
