so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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