She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
