We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize