the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize