I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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