i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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