After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
