the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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