My liver just broke up with me...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
