Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
