woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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