Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You're like the curious george of whores
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
