FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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