last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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