You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
