It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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