I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
