I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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