Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?