That's when you crack a 10am beer
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
