pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
