Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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