I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
