We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
