I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
