when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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